Question 1

Can this still work if my partner doesn’t want to do the work?

Accepted Answer

Yes - it can, and often does. Many clients begin this work on their own. While it’s not healthy or sustainable for one person to do all the work indefinitely - one person can absolutely be the catalyst for real, meaningful change in the relationship.

1. When one partner changes → the relationship dynamic changes by default. 
The relationship can't remain the same if one partner changes. If you regulate your reactions, communicate differently, and start showing up more securely, your old cycles are interrupted. 
For example, if arguments used to escalate into yelling and now you take a break and leave the house, your partner won’t keep yelling into the void. Your shift disrupts the pattern. 
That disruption creates new space - and pressure - for your partner to respond differently. And while you can’t force anyone to change, you can create conditions that make it more likely.

2. New safety and stability create space for your partner to soften and adapt. 
After initial resistance, most partners  slowly shift as well. Your positive changes start to create a calmer, more stable, less escalated environment, that no longer requires them to be as defensive or protective, nor does it enable them to attack the way they used to.
This emotionally safer environment encourages them to show up in more regulated, connected, and secure ways. With less emotional turmoil, there are fewer protective mechanisms draining your energy, which can now be redirected toward growth and connection.
Your changes start creating a safer environment. And when people feel safe, they grow.

3. You will build secure attachment with Self, become stronger, and grow as an individual. 
Even if your partner never joins you, you’ll still be doing the most important work: becoming a secure version of yourself. This work isn’t just about your relationship.
You’re learning how to love, trust, and show up for yourself. You’re building self-worth, emotional resilience, and self-leadership. You’re becoming someone who knows how to be a secure partner, - whether or not that's with your current partner. 
The ripple effect of building a secure relationship with yourself cannot be overstated. That version of you will impact every area of your life - your relationships, your parenting, your career, your health, and most importantly, your sense of self.
Whether or not your partner ever chooses to change, you will. And that is never wasted, because this is the one relationship in your life that will last forever, no matter where life takes you.

Whether or not your current relationship transforms, (which usually it does), YOU will. And that is life changing. You’re not waiting for them to lead; you’re choosing your growth and to lead with love, maturity and self-responsibility. This often becomes the turning point.

Question 2

Why previous therapy/ coaching may not have helped?

Accepted Answer

If you’ve tried therapy before and still feel stuck, anxious and insecure in your relationship -  you’re not alone. Many clients come to me after years of therapy, reading  all the books, and trying communication tools - yet still feel just as anxious and trapped in the same patterns.

Some reasons why therapy might not have worked for you in the past:

1. The focus was solely on insight - not integration. 
Self-understanding and insight are invaluable but rarely enough to create lasting change. When triggered, your nervous and attachment systems override logic and default to the familiar, protective patterns. The insight you gained in session doesn’t stop the panic or the protest behaviors from kicking in - it doesn’t rewire your attachment system. 
The therapist needs to be actively helping you regulate and process attachment fears, while introducing behavioral shifts and preparing you for real interactions.

2. The therapist tried to teach you skills you weren’t ready for. 
It’s very common for therapists to teach clients relational skills like “I” statements or reflective listening, before emotional safety and capacity are built to actually use them. 
For someone with an anxious attachment, these skills can feel impossible to access when triggered.  Without stabilization first, your brain will override the new skill and revert to familiar protest behaviors - because that’s how it stabilizes AND protects itself from pain. The problem isn’t that you’re broken - it’s that the skills were introduced before you were ready to use them.

3. The therapist focused on the specifics, not your underlying attachment escalation patterns and meanings. 
Each week may bring a new argument or issue to process - but the real problem usually isn’t surface content. It is the underlying pattern. Anxiously attached partners often get stuck in loops, i.e. triggered fear of loss → protest behavior → disconnection → more fear.
If your therapist is helping you analyze the latest fight, without containing your experience AND refocusing you on the escalation pattern, underlying attachment fears & needs and the negative cycle with your partner - you'll be stuck treating the symptoms, not the root cause.

4. The tools you were taught were generic or the therapist wasn't specialized in attachment work. 
Many general therapists lack specialized training in attachment work, which  requires a blend of nervous system regulation, emotional processing, behavioral repatterning, and relationship-specific guidance. When seeking support, make sure to choose a practitioner highly specialized, trained and experienced in this niche.
Additionally different attachment pairings (anxious-avoidant, anxious-anxious or disorganized) require different approaches. 
Applying the same strategies across the board can backfire. If you’re the anxious partner in an anxious-avoidant relationship, you need a different pace, expectations, and scripts than someone in a more enmeshed anxious-anxious bond. That’s why generic strategies often leave anxious clients even more confused and disheartened.
You and your relationship deserve an approach that works.

Bottom line: 
If therapy or coaching didn’t work for you in the past, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s likely because the approach didn’t match what your attachment system truly needed.

Question 3

What's the cost of the coaching program?

Accepted Answer

The investment is US$1200 for a 3-month coaching package, which includes 12 weekly 60-minute sessions.

You can choose to pay in full US$1200 or in 3 monthly payments of US$425. You can learn more about what’s included HERE.(https://www.anxioustosecure.com/coaching)

Please note: I do not accept insurance at this time.

Question 4

Do you offer single sessions?

Accepted Answer

Yes, but only for clients who have completed the 3-month coaching container.

This structure ensures you first gain foundational tools and skills in a consistent, high-accountability environment -  allowing for deeper integration and long-term change.

Financial commitment also plays a powerful role in helping you stay the course and fully engage with the process. Many clients choose to continue working with me after the initial program ends.

The rate for individual sessions is US$110.

Question 5

I’m single / I’m going through a divorce. Is this program for me?

Accepted Answer

Absolutely. I work with clients across all relationship stages - single and dating, single and not dating, in a relationship, or navigating a divorce or breakup.

This work is deeply transformative regardless of your relationship status. The approach and focus will be tailored to where you are right now -  whether that means healing from the past, preparing for a future relationship, or strengthening how you show up in your current one.

Question 6

What do the coaching calls look like?

Accepted Answer

Once you sign up, you’ll complete a thorough intake form before our first session. This helps me understand your core challenges and goals, so I can design a customized plan for our time together.

Each call is focused, high-impact, and tailored to your specific attachment patterns and needs. We’ll address the core areas keeping you stuck using a specialized framework that combines evidence-based practices:

• Attachment Theory 
 • Relationship and Emotion-Focused approaches
 • Somatic and Nervous System tools

This work is not just insight-based - it’s about practical, real-time change. From calming anxiety or anger to healing core wounds, each session is structured to help you re-pattern your attachment system through active, experiential learning and practice.

We’ll end every session with a clear focus for the week - and you’ll have Voxer access to me in between sessions, so we can process anything that arises as it happens. This ongoing support allows us to create corrective experiences - the lived experience of responding differently in real life - which is what actually rewires your patterns.

Question 7

What kind of results can I expect?

Accepted Answer

You can explore my client testimonials HERE (anxioustosecure.com/testimonials)- but here’s a glimpse of what can shift when you begin healing your attachment patterns:

• A deeper sense of self-confidence and rebuilt self-worth
 • Freedom from constant anxiety, overthinking, and conflict  - regained time, energy, and peace of mind
 • The ability to handle triggers without spiraling, so you can show up in relationships as a secure and emotionally safe partner
 • Cleared old resentments and deepening of true emotional intimacy
 • A connection with yourself - rooted in self-trust, self-responsibility and self-leadership
 • A renewed sense of joy, aliveness, and purpose in your life

When you’re no longer stuck in protective, fear-based cycles, your nervous and attachment system relax - and you finally have the energy and clarity to grow as an individual, enjoy your relationships, and create a life you actually love and are proud of.

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